LETTERS FROM PAST

to a distant stranger...

After so long I am back to my own self today...back to my own self, like when I was in my school days...in my teens...in my college days...i am back to my own uncaring self...I dont know if u ever take a portion of your time to read whatever bull shit i write...but I am happy that I can still write to an unknown person who won’t judge me for "whatever reasons!" (even though it goes unread...ultimately the god has left the human being to live with hope)...hence this letter tonight.

It’s been a "Day" for me...

It would have been great if I was hit by a BMW...It would have been my pleasure...but by an "auto rickshaw"!! That too in a city like Delhi! Kismat hi kharaab hai..!! 

Anyway being hit was alright...because I was worried about more serious things then...But my test results came negative...Hurray!! According to those complicated X-Ray machines, all machines in my body are doing their job pretty well...

"Lungs, Kidney, Heart…all well" 

And to get that X-Ray done...I had to forge a signature...

And still I am here in my rat hole unable to diagnose what exactly is happening to my body!! 

God…! Okay...if at all there is somebody out there by that nomenclature is pretty complicated man...By the way how can you say that He is a Man…That person could be a woman too...the language is also patriarchal ..Trap of words....I am scared to even utter a word...the moment a person is born...he/she falls into the trap of words first…Words I feel is a trap which you can hardly escape...but the rapture of being trapped in words always gives me a kick...

Just that I am drifting away with my thoughts...it’s been a long week and these doctors out there are not able to diagnose what's wrong with me..! Losing 6 to 7 kilo grams in a month would have been great had I been one of those typical "diet freak dudettes" over here in Delhi...

Ohh by the way, I saw one of your status updates in FB, 

"Job opportunity in India for hangmen...476 convicts on death row & after today's SC dismissal of Bhullar plea ,the gallows will be busy!”

I think that’s a damn good job...I can give it a try...to "Kill" people...I always had that killing instinct in me, the raw animal instinct and I get goose-bumps every time I watch a Quentin Tarantino movie..."Kill Bill" is my all-time favourite...and "Pulp Fiction"...What a wonderful way to kill...I think the traditional "hanging system" should be changed... The Indian government should be more innovative while killing the convicts...a more sophisticated and an easy method...may be Katju will have a better idea I guess...

This reminds me of a Malayalam movie which starts with a crisis...a police station is in need of a hangman, since all the hangmen get killed by the convict's gang on the day he is supposed to be hanged. The police and the government post pones the date of conviction just because they are unable to find a hangman...and finally they arrange a hangman from Tamil Nadu who also gets killed on his way to the police station on the day of conviction...the story goes on like that...An interesting movie....So I think, taking life and giving life is something great...in fact that is the power of the Powerful...

I think I am becoming an "absurdist" in my life…bitter truths...thank God the Truth is not singular...Your truth...My truth...mamma's truth...dad's truth...truth and truths....

Ohh...how desperately I wish I could get out, see and talk to people out there....but no...the poet still echoes in me…

“The "UNREAL CITY"....and there lie the corpses...

"That corpse you planted last year in your garden,  

Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?  

Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?  

Oh keep the Dog far hence, that’s friend to men,  

Or with his nails he’ll dig it up again!"

...with his nails he'll dig it up again...!!!

And now the clock ticks...and my eyes are heavy...

Regards

N